I'm tired. I give up. I have lost, I am defeated. This blog is as good as dead. Well it is dead.I don't understand why things have turned out this way, or way you act this way. It's just STUPID how everything is now. And you aren't helping a single bit, you don't explain, you don't want to explain. When I want to talk to you, ask you what is wrong,GtgArghNvmYou don't understandMaybe it's better we don't talk for awhileFollowed by a message telling me you have gone offline. If you don't want to talk to me, just say so, or block me. I wait the whole damn day for you to come online, and yet, I'm afraid to say anything. Because either you don't answer, or you give short answers, or replies that can't even be considered answers, or you go offline before I can finish saying what I want to say.Or maybe the SMS variation of this issue. I message you probably in the morning, or the late night perhaps, and go to school. When I come back, I am afraid to look at my phone, because the disappointment of not having a reply is terrible. Though it is expected. I look at my phone from a distance, make a gamble with myself, something like, if there is a reply waiting, I will be a millionaire the next day. Which of course does not happen. In the rare event there is a reply (OMG!!! :DDD), it is something less than three lines. Except for maybe one amazingly long six lines, but I had to beg for that.And so, I have been reduced to begging for replies like a dog. I have been reduced to fear talking to you more than anything else. You used to tell me everything supposedly, now when I want to hear something, anything, all I get is nothing.I feel like shit, trying to get you to talk to me, because I don't even know what you are thinking. I get this feeling I am annoying you. But you deny it. But then again you don't give me a proper reason either. You avoid me the whole day. All I ask is half an hour of your time so that we can talk this out. BUT NO! That can't be done either.I'm not going to try anymore. I give up. You've changed so much. You won't talk to me anymore. Fine. I won't stress you out any further. I shan't bother you anymore. But before I end off I am going to admit I hate you.I do not hate you for rejecting me, that is something that can't be avoided, I have already accepted the fact that we can't be anything more than we are now. I understand it and I accept it. You claim you care... You claim you will talk to me once you've "thought through everything"... I've had enough, I'm sick of this, I'm sick of you and your stupid games, I'm sick of myself and my stupidity.If you wanted to end it, JUST FUCKING END IT. I'm tired of waiting day after day for you to cheer up. I don't even know if you're sad in the first place or just irritated by me. I didn't know things would turn out this way, but it has.Give me a reason to prove me wrong, give me a reason to say sorry, and I will. But you won't. You don't care. Don't even try that you care about me crap with me, you don't. You just don't.Well perhaps there is something good that came out of this stupid episode, I've learnt a lesson. Maybe it's some stupid test that the dude up there in Heaven gives out to random people occasionally. Well I've learnt my lesson.You're probably going to do another blog post on how much you don't care anymore, how much you hate me as well, how much you're right and I'm wrong, you'll do everything but prove what I say false. I don't care anymore. I'm not going to fight anymore, I'm not going to try anymore. It isn't worth the hurt and tears.And just so there isn't a shadow of doubt, I'm talking about you, Zoey. Not that it matters, you'll probably have a good laugh about this post.I hate you.









hello zhenyang
if ur reading this u ,
im sorry abt it .... i guess it really was ... wait IS my fault,

ohhwells im feeling really damn shit now...


i shall continue this post later
my mum just came home